All of Me

albiehereforyou:

“sigh”

i’m gonna miss so many people in my school

Okay, so what I said in my last post…about being all cried out…nope. I just read some of the things written in my yearbook.

DAY FIVE

Boy do I hate hearing the alarm go off at 3:30am! We got up and ready because Artuso was picking us up at 4:30 to go to the beach. Senior Sunrise was nice, even though there wasn’t much of a sunrise. It was really foggy and misty and by the end, everyone’s hair was soaked. But it was awesome to see everyone gathered together to celebrate our last day.

For breakfast, we went to Denny’s. I had some scrumptious ham and egg sandwich! :) then, Danny dropped us back at my house for our cars and we headed toward school…

When we got there, I headed straight for guidance. I had a small handful of people working in this school who have meant ALOT to me, so I wanted to do something nice for them. So I gave them each a picture frame a something to remember me by.

So the first one I gave it to was Grandma. She got a frame that said grand kids with a picture of me and Katie (her biological granddaughter!) I told her that, since I’m not going to be around to stop in and say hi anymore, she could still see my face.

Then the other two that I had for guidance weren’t there, so I left Mrs. O’Connells and D’Ancas on their desks knowing I’d be back later.

Then it was time for the senior breakfast. I sat nice and close to the front so I could get my yearbook right away. Let me just say, the yearbooks are AMAZING. But the breakfast…and most of the day to follow…became a big mess of yearbook signing and shirt signing.

And I really was expecting to be upset. I mean, I’ve been crying all week, who’s to say it wouldn’t be the worst on the last day?! But I felt more numb to my emotions than anything. It hadn’t really set in.

Until health.

When I was waiting in the hallway, I saw Brandon crying, and that started to break at my emotions. Then, when Albie walked in crying, I lost it. We cried together as we signed the books of the few people we actually care about in that class. So, I calmed myself down and at the end of the period, made my way to Mrs. Martins room.

She always can put a smile on my face. And I’ve grown so close to her this year. That’s why shes one of the teachers to get a frame. So, long story short, instead of writing in my yearbook, she’s going to write on a separate piece of paper for me to keep with my book. She said she couldn’t find a spot to fit everything she wanted to say.

So at this point I’m not crying anymore. As I’m walking down to theatre, I pass campus ministry. As soon as I gave a sobbing Emily a hug, I was gone.

And then came theatre.

Honesty, too much happened here to even begin to explain, but it changed everything. It changed the way I look at things now. And it changed my reason for the tears. Then when I saw other people crying about leaving, all I could think about was that there’s so much more in this world than just leaving high school. There are more good things, an there are more bad.

But I carried on, as if my tears were the same as everyone else’s. And when people tried to make me feel better by saying things like “you’re ready to go” and “there’s more out there waiting for you” it only made me feel worse.

I knew I had to straighten myself out because I had to go to junior youth group. Being there always helps cheer me up. And I was fine for the most part. Just a little teary when we started talking about things at the end.

But then I was all cried out. We got everything together and made our way to Cats house. It was so nice being able to sit back, relax, hang out with friends, and sign a few yearbooks. :)

Overall…I don’t know how I’d classify today. I dont think good is the word. No, definately not good. Maybe necessary…? I can’t put my finger on it.

All I really can say is my emotions are all used up. I don’t think I can cry anymore…we’ll see what happens at the last select practice today…

DAY FOUR

Okay, so this one is being written late because last night was a little busy and crazy. So it started out all normal, classes, a few finals, ect.

The only downfall was the LIGHTs bags. They’ve been hanging in campus ministry for us to write things to each other that we want to say before we leave. So I picked up my bag just before last period on my way to math. Well, the math final was REALLY easy and only took me 10 minutes. So I decided to spend the rest of my time with the letters.

Slowly, I read each one. Most of them just made me smile. But I knew which one I was saving til the end. Miss Gs were on a full sheet of bright yellow paper.

So, when I get to this one, I start to read as per normal. Then, halfway through, I feel myself starting to cry. Now note- I’m in a silent math classroom while people are still doing a final. So my typical tears would no doubt attract attention.

I stopped reading to calm myself down a little bit. Then, when I thought I was mentally prepared, I picked it up again and started reading…same effect! So again I’m trying to conceal my tears. As soon as the bell rang, I grabbed my stuff and made a bee-line to campus ministry, where most of the regulars were already, reading their letters. So I go over and yell at G for making me cry. And I start to cry again. Now, this time it all came out and was a mess of hysterical tears. Everyone was looking at me like I had ten heads. As much as I tried to stop, I couldn’t. So I sat there with some amazing people and wallowed in my sadness for an hour (along with a few other criers!)

Then Kiki came over! We ate snacks and watched NCIS. Then we did out English finals until Jamie and china came over. For dinner, we has some yummy tropical smoothies and then ran a few errands and hung out around there. The rest of the night was easy and fun :)

DAY THREE

This morning was our last LIGHTs meeting. Going into it, I felt kinda upset. I hate all of these lasts. But they gave us these really nice crucifixes for our dorm rooms. :) Then, as each member of the God Squad said their goodbyes to us, I could feel myself tearing up. But for the most part I held it together okay. It wasn’t until I walked into guidance to say hello that Bell got me started.

The rest of the day went on like normal. I had two finals, which were both a joke. THANK GOD this is my easy semester.

Then I worked on some more prom stuff after school. I love the fact that student council keeps me busy so I don’t have to dwell on the fact that everything is ending. It just seems so strange that we’re finishing everything. I keep asking for the next step, and we’re really running out of things to do.

When I got home, I went to a few stores with my mom. I’m one of those kids who gives the teachers a small present at the end of the year. Not all of my teachers of course! I’m only doing things for the five teachers that have made the biggest impact on me.

Then the rest of my night was writing their cards and cleaning because tomorrow is sleepover time!!! Kiki China and Jamie are staying over and we’re going to senior sunrise together (with Artuso :]! )